Easter Special: A new roommate named Jesus [Reddit Original]

An excellent writing prompt I found on Reddit. It’s be an extraordinarily long time since I posted here. I’ve been productive though, not to worry! A small thing called a novel stumbled out of my head and it’s all on ‘paper’ now. So there’s that. Going through the motions of editing but I hope to add a few more things on here when I get the time.

As for this latest entry, enjoy. Bit of a morning splurge. Unedited. So I may come back and change/add to it. Ta ra.

I held it up toward the window, turned it in my hands. Odd. I had definitely filled this up with water before my last lecture. Pulling open the curtain a bit more, stood looking out from my dorm room, hundreds of students milling about the courtyard, I peered closer to the contents of my water bottle.

It was red…

“The fuck?” Is what I actually said. Because what else can you say when your water had been replaced with…

“Wine?!” I said, smacking my lips bravely. “The fucking fuck?”

Just then, my new room mate Jesus strolled in. It was April 16th and for the first time since Friday, he was looking much perkier. Full of life. So, not wanting to look like a proper weirdo, I sort of asked him in a off-hand manner.

I said to him, “Hey, Jesus, you’ll never guess what the fuck happened to my bottle of water?”

“What’s happened?”

“See for yourself.” And I brandished it at him. Expecting a sort of baffled expression, you can understand why I was shocked to see him smiling. Like it was something really brilliant. Well, I suppose it is, if you’re into wine. I’m more of a beer drinker though. Ale specifically. I love the new stuff BrewDog have been doing but… I’m going off on a tangent here.

I pointed at the offensive thing. “Well?”

Jesus shrugged. “Yeah, I did this. Pretty cool though, right?”

“You what? Mate, why would you do that? It’s not some sort of initiation is it?”

“Not at all. It’s a bit of a weird habit I’ve had recently. I keep replacing water with wine. Red wine specifically. I don’t know where I got the idea for but it’s a prank that’s gotten out of hand. There’s already rumours going around about me.”

I laughed, smiling at his obvious stupidty. The poor guy had gotten out of hand. “Hang on a moment. Rumours? How long have you been doing this?”

“Ages.”

“Right. Well, bit weird. Sort of funny though. Could you not with mine though I really need to up my water intake. Sort of a thing I’m doing. That okay mate?”

Jesus nodded, combing his long hair back with his fingers. “Absolutely. Accept my apologies.”

Interrupting our beautiful little conversation, my phone starting buzzing. Yanking it out of my jeans pocket, I saw an alert. My next lecture was about to start. I dashed across the room, sidestepping Jesus and grabbed my bag up, checking the books were all still there.

“Right, we’ve got a lecture now. You feel like coming to this one? I know you weren’t too keen. It’s only a minor but it’s what will get us the credits mate. Honestly.”

Jesus sighed a big, cliched sigh. Flopped his worshipped ass onto the bed and shook his head. “Sadly no. I’m not up to it.”

“You’re going to fail this subject, you know? What are you going to do with your time? Prank more people? Hide fish and bread in their lockers?”

“That’s a brilliant idea!” Jesus exclaimed.

I immediately face palmed and stepped further out the door. But, before I left, I had just one question.

“Jesus.”

“Yes?”

“What exactly do you have against Biology 101?”

One Comment on “Easter Special: A new roommate named Jesus [Reddit Original]

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